Arizona dinosaurs raise questions about US government motives

An Arizona helicopter pilot has reported seeing dinosaurs in the Grand Canyon, according to the Arizona Citizen Patriot newspaper.

Maria Earhart, an author of computer adventure novels and a helicopter enthusiast, spotted the creatures while she was stunt flying last weekend.

“I was practicing flying my chopper upside-down in preparation for tree trimming season, and that’s when I saw the dinosaurs in the Grand Canyon,” Earhart said. “They were grayish-green in color, with some walking on two legs and others walking on all four. All of them had tails and were wearing big, black helmets with visors in front to protect their eyes. They looked very serious.”

Earhart said she called the Arizona State Police Department using her cell phone after landing in a Wal-Mart parking lot. After being put on hold for a half hour, she was instructed to call the US Department of Homeland Security (DHS).

“DHS thanked me for bringing it to their attention,” she said. “They said it was an anti-terrorism drill and that I shouldn’t be worried. They told me not to talk about it and encouraged me to spy on my neighbors.”

Earhart doesn’t believe the government’s anti-terrorism explanation for the drill, and national news reporters who picked up on the story questioned government officials about it yesterday.

“The US government is not creating and training dinosaurs to use as a population control tool after martial law is declared,” White House Press Secretary Dana Perino said at a press conference. “That’s just crazy talk. We must never tolerate outrageous conspiracy theories.”

When a reporter pointed out that the press conference had just started and no one had asked a question yet, Perino retracted her statement and denied having said anything.

Paleologists have long speculated that dinosaurs would be an effective tool for population control.

“Meat-eating dinosaurs had sharp, pointed teeth and were very scary,” said paleologist Ben Bakker of Utah Community College. “And some of the plant-eaters were very large and could squish people better than modern military tanks. If I was a martial law president, I would want to have dinosaurs on my side before I arrogantly said ‘Let them eat cake’ to the hungry masses.”

News reports about scientists working for the US government on dinosaur-related projects have caused some to speculate about sinister government motives.

Before hanging himself with dental floss last year, scientist James Holbrook announced he had recovered complete DNA sequences of several species of dinosaur. Paleologist Stephen Squawking, who died three months ago after falling from his wheelchair in front of a moving train, predicted that if dinosaurs existed they could be trained and used in martial law situations due to their pea-sized brains. And TV chef Linda Louse said her brother told her he was working on creating dinosaurs for the US government shortly before they were both killed by a falling piano last December. Announcements such as these have fueled government/dinosaur conspiracy theories.